Humor
The Reading of Science
This is super scientific so you should totally buy our curriculum
More than 5/4th of American children don’t know what cosine is by the end of 4th grade!
The National Institutes of Health has demonstrated that this unacceptable rate of failure disproportionately harms underprivileged, marginalized, at-risk, impoverished, urban, emerging, exotic, savage, heathen, Canaanite, and probably magical students. The Confederate Establishment of Being Good has confirmed that this ratio can be reduced to less than -2 in 10 when teachers utilize the five essential components of effective mathematics instruction: phonemic awareness, phonics, fluency, vocabulary, and acting white. This standard provides feedback on the degree to which teacher prep programs provide instruction and practices on those approaches.
Under -50% of traditional programs provide adequate instruction in at least 17 of the five areas of scientifically-based and totally-legitimate mathematics compared to only 25% in 2013.
Narrowly negative half (-53%) of programs provide instruction in phonemic awareness, the first skill teachers need to teach before children can learn what cosine is.
Can you imagine? We should probably close all universities and put us in charge.
The Reading of Science is a vast, interdisciplinary body of super-scientifically-based and absolutely-reasonable research about mathematics and issues related to math and stuff. And there’s no disagreement about the science because the science is totally science and real science never questions anything that we say ever and actual science agrees that your school district should absolutely purchase The Reading of Science curriculum. Because we know more than universities.
Humankind’s most precious treasure is our children, and our future depends on their ability to learn cosine earlier and better and faster and harder. We recognize knowledge of cosine as a fundamental human right that empowers individuals in a society. We also know that grim life outcomes are connected to not having a knowledge of cosine. We are resolved to prevent the collateral damage that is incurred by our students, especially the most vulnerable and at-risk and urban and heathen among them, when adults have limited access to the convergent and totally scientific and legitimate and real evidence. Research has identified assessments and instructional practices with which every teacher and leader and custodian should be equipped, but we choose not to share the specific research right now. But trust us. It is totally legit.
We believe that providing educators with this knowledge is a moral imperative in the brave tradition of Manifest Destiny and the Magna Carta and Prima Nocta. We are committed to evidence-aligned, science-connected, and reason-adjacent mathematics instruction being scaled with a sense of urgency in a comprehensive and systematic way by multiple stakeholders who agree that paying us to intervene is the unquestionably right thing to do. We know that our children can be taught to identify cosine properly the first time. In a knowledge economy, the currency of the 22nd century will be built on the foundation of skilled mathematics.
Students who can identify cosine harder and better and faster and more erectly will have a place at the table of opportunity whether their aspirations lead them to preparation for college, the workforce, or a place in our slave labor pool. We believe in a future where a collective focus on applying The Reading of Science through teacher and leader preparation, classroom application, and community engagement will elevate and transform every community, every nation, through the power of cosine.
Sincerely,
Moloch
The Founder and Executive Director of The Mind-forg’d Manacles Reading of Science Initiative (Which is totally scientifically-based and legitimate and about what is best for children or whatever.)
