Photo by Daria Volkova on Unsplash

Hi, my name is Bunny Fauci, the granddaughter of American hero Dr. Anthony Fauci. In these turbulent times, the last thing you should be worried about is catching any sort of airborne illness while shopping for groceries. …


Photo by Greg Bulla on Unsplash

January 4th, 2021

Good evening.

This is the first time I have spoken to you since my death in 1994. If it were up to me, I would be speaking to you from the Oval Office, where important matters of national interest are made and delivered. I do not have…


Photo by Meelika Marzzarella on Unsplash

Hello Americans. It is me, Melania. For the past many four years, I have great pleasure of inviting you into house with Donald and me and Barron for Thanksgiving fun. This year, because of Nancy Pelosi, we are being evicted from our home, this is thing I would never wish…


Photo by Donovan Reeves on Unsplash

I didn’t miss any days of school during my first year as a high school teacher. I was a strapping twenty-three year-old. And it was 2003. Long before pandemics.

I scheduled my first substitute during my second year. And not because I was sick. I was the school’s theatre teacher…


Photo by Tobias Roth on Unsplash

There is darkness. Lots of it. Silence for a moment. Then a buzz. Then a voice in the darkness.

Voice: I approach, Broodmother.

Silence. A beat. Then gentle laughter. The broodmother responds.

Broodmother: I grant you audience, child.

Dull, patriotic light illuminates the cave. We are deep beneath The United…


Photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm on Unsplash

Dear Salem Area School District Community,

Do you know who I am, district community? And do you know that near to four-hundred are in ICU units from South Beach to Walter Reed upon my signature? And seventy-two condemned to lung failure by that signature? Nay? Then mark me, Patriot. …


Photo by Peter Secan on Unsplash

Ahoy, Customer,


Not anymore.

Did Grubhub just cancel the word hello? You bet your grubby face we did.

Now, more than ever before, it is important to be inclusive and sanitized as we connect hungry diners with diverse foods. You want Mexican food? Okay. Grubhub doesn’t build walls. …


Photo by Xavier crook on Unsplash

The United States of America, 244 years old, originally of Plymouth Rock, a democratic republic and imperial superpower, died on November 3rd, 2020 at the ballot box surrounded by misguided patriots. The cause of death was Manifest Destiny.

Until its recent incapacity due to COVID-19, The United States of America…


Photo by Vasily Koloda on Unsplash

“Calm down, Alex!” the college student’s mask flapped in the wind as he sprayed his phone with saliva. “I’m in line. We’ll get internet. You can watch porn when I get home!”

It was late Sunday afternoon. Penn State’s semester started in the morning. I was teaching online. Because a…


Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash

Donald’s fingers dance across the screen like so many stormtroopers marching the streets of Berlin. Or Portland. He shifts on his golden toilet. Clicks tweet:


U.S. military (best in history) is ready and willing to storm the streets of the nasty, Democratic stronghold of Chicago. There mayor is bad…

Samuel Jaye Tanner

Writer, teacher, professor, improviser. Some stuff is serious. Some is not. Can you guess which is which? Oh, there’s this too:

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